


New Love Cuts Deep

by TheGirlInThePinkScarf



Category: National Football League RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: Infidelity, M/M, Seattle Seahawks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-16 04:01:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13628184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGirlInThePinkScarf/pseuds/TheGirlInThePinkScarf
Summary: “You know that I would never ask you to pick me over your family,” Jimmy says as he brushes their lips together.“God, please don’t,” Russell begs with tears in his eyes.





	New Love Cuts Deep

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been seriously all in my feels thinking about how Jimmy Graham won’t be back in Seattle next season.
> 
> So naturally, I decided to pour my angst into a fic about Russell and Jimmy having to end their illicit relationship.
> 
> I went through so many emotions as I was writing, but I still had some fun with this!
> 
> This was actually supposed to be a lot shorter, but my muses kept pushing me to write more.
> 
> Title taken from my favorite lyric in The Weakness in Me: “This old love has me bound, but the new love cuts deep.”
> 
> I pretty much listened to [ “One Last Time” ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RO-v6qCoqEM) by Kellie Pickler on repeat as I wrote the sex scene at the end because it really helped set the mood.
> 
> I hope that you all enjoy!

* * *

_You make me lie when I don't want to_

_And make someone else some kind of unknowing fool_

_You make me stay when I should not_

_Are you so strong or is the weakness in me?_

_**The Weakness in Me-** _ [ _**Keisha White** _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RlGYSiym0us)

* * *

Russell and Ciara have just finished eating dinner when their doorbell rings all of a sudden. They both look at each other with confused facial expressions because neither of them are expecting anybody. Russ wipes his mouth and his hands as he volunteers to answer the door. He looks through the peephole and it only takes him a few seconds to figure out who’s standing on his porch. Russell knows Jimmy Graham’s big body _very_ well. He takes a deep breath as he opens the door.

“What are you doing here?” Russ whispers.

“I was just in the neighborhood,” Jimmy explains.

“That’s bull—”

“Jimmy, hey! It’s nice to see you! Come on in,” Ciara says, suddenly standing behind Russell.

“I hope that I’m not interrupting,” Jimmy comments.

“We just finished eating. Are you hungry?” Ciara asks.

“No, thank you. I had dinner already. Well, I was actually thinking about dessert. I remember that caramel cake you served me that one time. I was wondering if you had any more,” Jimmy replies.

“We try not to keep cake in the house because we can’t resist it. It has been a while since we had something sweet though. I’ll run over to the store and pick one up,” Ciara offers.

When she leaves the room to get her purse, Jimmy smiles victoriously at Russell. He tries to talk his wife out of leaving because he _absolutely_ doesn’t trust himself to behave while being left alone with his tight end. Ciara ignores his plea and just kisses Russ on the cheek before she promises to be back as soon as she can. He feels himself getting backed into the door almost as soon as his wife leaves. Jimmy easily has the size advantage as he further presses his body against Russell’s.

“I didn’t think that she would ever go,” Jimmy comments.

“This is wrong. You shouldn’t be here,” Russ tells him.

“I shouldn’t, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m here. And we both know that I’m right where you want me to be,” Jimmy breathes against his lips.

Russell’s heart is hammering away in his chest. He can smell Jimmy’s intoxicating cologne and he can feel his breath on his face. Part of Russ wants to push him away. But it’s not the most dominant part. He’s almost moving on auto-pilot as he closes the small gap between them to kiss Jimmy. Russell feels like he’s home the moment that their lips touch. Ciara isn’t a bad kisser by any means, but she doesn’t make Russ’ knees get weak like Jimmy does. He closes his eyes and he moans into Jimmy’s mouth. Russell is so lost in the pleasure that he _almost_ forgets just how sinful what they’re doing is.

“Jimmy, please!” Russ begs.

Jimmy delicately nibbles on Russell’s bottom lip. “Please, _what_? You know that I’ll give you whatever you want.”

“Y-Your mouth. I need it,” Russell pleads.

Jimmy wastes no time sinking down to his knees. He uses his teeth to pull down Russ’ sweats and boxers. Of course, he’s not surprised to find that his quarterback is already hard for him. He spits into the palm of one of his ridiculously large hands and he wraps it around Russell’s dick. Jimmy gives him a few quick strokes before he takes a few inches into his mouth. He’s not exactly sure how long that Ciara will be gone, but he knows that he doesn’t have much time. Russ tilts his head back and a small groan escapes his lips. His wife gives pretty good head, but Jimmy is somehow even better.

He doesn’t have much of a gag reflex, so Russell doesn’t really have to worry about being gentle with him. And Jimmy of course loves to show off his deep-throating ability. Russ eventually looks back down at the beautiful man in between his legs. He’s always amazed and fascinated by the way that his cock completely disappears into his tight end’s mouth. Russell grabs onto Jimmy’s broad shoulders for balance as he starts to fuck his face. He’s not usually quite this rough and aggressive, but Russ is desperate to climax before his wife makes it back. Jimmy’s eyes are a little wet with unshed tears and there’s saliva pooling at the corner of his mouth. His jaw is even getting a little tired, but he doesn’t let up.

“ _Shit,_ Jimmy!” Russell cries out.

Jimmy would smirk if his mouth wasn’t full. He always knows that Russ is on the brink of release because that’s one of the rare times that he uses profanity. There are few things that Jimmy enjoys more than watching Russell completely lose control like this. He really wishes that he had more time to tease and watch him. But since they’re in a hurry, Jimmy’s focused on making him orgasm _now_. Of course, he knows exactly what to do in order to get Russ off. He temporarily removes Russell’s dick from his mouth so that he can get to his balls. Jimmy licks them before lightly sucking on them.

Russell bites his lip. “Mmm. Just like that, Jimmy.”

The sound of his name on Russ’ lips has him tenting his pants. He’ll have to settle for jerking himself off later since there’s no time for anything else right now. Jimmy scrapes his teeth against the sensitive skin of Russell’s balls. Russ digs his nails deeper into Jimmy’s shoulders at the intense sensation. He tries to give him a verbal warning, but he can’t actually talk coherently. A few words of gibberish are all that Russell is capable of saying as he covers Jimmy’s lips and chin with cum. The high from his orgasm wears off as he catches his breath. He starts to panic and he tells Jimmy to go clean himself up in the bathroom. Of course, he gives Russ a slow, lingering kiss first. The kind that always makes Russell’s brain short-circuit.

“I hate it when you kiss me like that,” Russ mutters.

Jimmy laughs. “You just hate that I kiss better than your wife.”

* * *

Ciara walks in the door and she mentions that she would have gotten home earlier if it wasn’t for a little bit of bad traffic. She sets the caramel cake on the kitchen table and she apologizes for making them wait for so long. Ciara cuts slices for both Russell and Jimmy. She tells them to enjoy themselves because it’s just about time for her to go pick up the kids. Ciara kisses her husband before she leaves and then she turns to hug Jimmy goodbye. Russ lets out a deep breath because he’s left alone with his teammate once _again_. He gathers their plates and forks to put in the dishwasher once they’re finished eating. Russell looks at his watch and he tells Jimmy that he needs to go. He approaches Russ and he wraps his arms around his waist from behind.

Jimmy nuzzles the nape of Russell’s neck. “I hate when one of us has to leave.”

“I know,” Russ says.

“I wish that I could stay and fuck you. Then hold you afterwards,” Jimmy whispers.

Russell turns to face him. “Jimmy . . . ”

“I know that it _can’t_ happen. It doesn’t stop me from wishing though,” Jimmy tells him.

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Russ comments.

“Nothing. Just let me kiss you goodbye,” Jimmy requests.

Russell’s brain is screaming “bad idea” at him, but he ignores it like he always does. There’s just something about Jimmy that makes Russ completely turn his back on logic. He effortlessly picks up Russell and sits him on the kitchen counter. Jimmy jokes that it’s easier to kiss him when they’re closer to the same height and Russ can’t help but to laugh. He slowly caresses his quarterback’s cheek before leaning in to bring their lips together. Russell automatically wraps his limbs around Jimmy’s strong body as the kiss deepens. He snakes his hand underneath Russ’ shirt to touch his bare skin. Russell can’t stop the shiver that travels down his spine as Jimmy’s calloused fingers continue groping him.

“You really need to go,” Russ whispers against his lips.

“Ok,” Jimmy finally agrees.

* * *

Russell takes a shower and brushes his teeth after Jimmy leaves because he feels incredibly dirty. All the thoughts of his infidelity disappear from his mind as soon as Ciara walks in with their children. His heart swells with love as he gives them hugs and kisses. Russ turns his phone off because he wants to spend some uninterrupted time with his family. He suggests that they play a little basketball before they end their night with a movie. They take turns shooting baskets with their son and chasing their daughter around the court.

Ciara grabs a blanket for all of them to share as they sit down on the couch and browse through Netflix. Russ ends up carrying their son to bed half-way through the movie because he’s asleep. He then takes their daughter to the nursery for the night. Russell waits to see if she’s going to stay asleep before he leaves. Ciara has already finished her nightly routine and she’s waiting for him in bed by the time that he enters their room. He strips down to his boxers as he gets next to his wife. Russ snuggles up next to her and he kisses her on the forehead.

“I love you,” Ciara lets him know.

“I love you, too,” Russell replies.

Russ really does love her. He loves the beautiful life and the family that he has created with her. Ciara and their children are honestly the answer to all of his prayers. They’re everything that he has ever wanted. That’s why Russell can’t figure out why he actually needs Jimmy. He’s not a selfish person by nature, but he knows that’s the only way to describe his affair with his teammate. Russ has an extraordinary and fulfilling life, yet it’s apparently still _not_ quite enough for him. He knows that he has to end things with Jimmy. Russell has tried to in the past, but he has never been strong enough to actually go through with it.

* * *

It’s harder for Russ to resist Jimmy when they’re on the road, so he decides to use Doug Baldwin as a buffer. He doesn’t give him all the dirty details, he just explains that he doesn’t really want to be left alone. One of the best things about Doug is that he never asks too many questions. If anyone notices that Russell and Jimmy are acting strangely around each other, they keep it to themselves. Of course when they’re around their teammates, Russ tries to act as normal as he can.

He still talks to his tight end and they’re friendly toward each other. However, he does his best to not sit next to him. Russell has received enough quick hand jobs from him to know that Jimmy’s hands can’t be trusted when they have even just a little bit of seclusion. He feels kind of childish for avoiding him like this, but it’s the best idea that Russ has for now. It’s obviously not a permanent solution, but it’s working so far. Russ is unfortunately a bit of an insomniac and he’s restless by 2 AM. He doesn’t want to just sit in bed until he falls asleep, so he gets out of bed and gets dressed. Russell plans on getting a little fresh air and then trying the sleep thing again. He curses under his breath when he bumps into Jimmy in the hallway.

“Can’t sleep?” Jimmy asks.

“Nope,” Russ answers.

“Me either. Want to come to my room and talk?” Jimmy offers.

Russell scoffs. “I’m not dumb enough to fall for that.”

“Hey, I do like you for _more_ than just sex, you know. I really do just want to hang out. I swear that I won’t lay a finger on you,” Jimmy promises.

* * *

There’s enough room between them on the bed that Russ feels comfortable. True to his word, Jimmy doesn’t make a move of any kind. They just lay down and talk about life like the close friends that they are. It’s kind of ironic actually. If Russell was having an affair with _anyone_ else, Jimmy would be the one person that he would feel completely comfortable discussing it with. They just mesh really well together, they’ve felt inexplicably connected to each other ever since the first time that they met. Since Christmas is coming up in a few weeks, Russ asks Jimmy if there’s anything in particular that he wants.

Jimmy laughs mirthlessly. “We both know that I can’t have what I really want.”

“That was a dumb thing for me to ask, sorry,” Russell genuinely apologizes.

“Nah, it’s ok,” Jimmy responds.

“I wish that I had met you _before_. God, I wish that I knew you back when I was still trying to figure out who I was. Maybe then I wouldn’t have married my first wife,” Russ reflects.

“Maybe you wouldn’t have married your second one either,” Jimmy whispers.

“Ciara is the best woman that I know and I love her. I have a terrible way of showing it these days, but it’s true. She has given me absolutely everything,” Russell remarks.

“She’s beautiful and has a warm and kind heart. I can definitely see why you are attracted to that about her. I don’t dislike her personally at all. I just don’t think that she’s right for you. I don’t think that any woman is,” Jimmy points out.

“You’re wrong. I’m bi, not gay,” Russ corrects him.

Jimmy lets out a deep breath. “I think that you love everything about your wife . . . except for sleeping with her. You came on to me the first time that we fucked, remember?”

_Of course_ Russell remembers. His weakness has always been guys significantly taller and heavier than he is. Then Jimmy just had to introduce himself and be extra nice and charming. Russ recalls fantasizing about Jimmy pinning him down and having his way with him about five minutes into their initial conversation. He was so ridiculously thirsty for him back then and truthfully, he still is now. Russell has to shake his head and force himself to think about something else in order to stop his thoughts from going in a perverted direction. He blushes when he glances up at Jimmy and notices that he’s already looking at him.

“I should go,” Russ announces.

“Yeah, you should try to get some sleep,” Jimmy agrees.

* * *

**Three Weeks Later**

* * *

Russell can’t believe that the final game of the regular season is already here. More importantly, he can’t stop thinking about how this may be the very last game that he’ll play with Jimmy in a Seahawks uniform. Russ has been doing his best to limit his interactions with him to just the football field the past three weeks. He has been completely focused on his family when he’s not dealing with the football side of things. Ciara’s out of town with the kids, so Russell’s house feels extremely empty and quiet. He leaves for CenturyLink Field a little earlier than usual just so he doesn’t have to sit alone with his thoughts.

Russ isn’t surprised to find that Jimmy has also arrived early. The locker room is pretty deserted since most of the guys aren’t at the stadium yet. He sets his belongings down at his locker and then he slowly walks over to Jimmy’s. It’s not until he turns around to look down at him with a smile on his face that Russell realizes just how much he’s going to miss these moments. Joking around with his big tight end before games, having intense workout sessions, hilariously fun things like [Techno Thursday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xGegBApb8g&index=31&list=FL94hLR4TGuWY1hM9wueePEQ), and of course scoring touchdowns together.

He’s honestly not ready for that to end. Russ has to stand on the tips of his toes to give Jimmy a tight hug. He buries his face in the crook of Jimmy’s neck and he sighs. They spend a few minutes just holding each other. Jimmy softly runs his fingers through Russell’s hair just the way that he likes it. Russ regrets the ongoing affair, but he definitely doesn’t regret his close friendship with his favorite tight end. He always feels safe and comforted when he’s in Jimmy’s arms like this.

“Win or lose, I’m going to your place after the game and I’m spending the night,” Russell tells him.

* * *

Their season ends after a tough loss and Russ really doesn’t want to think about it. He plays his music a lot louder than he usually does during the drive to Jimmy’s house. Russell isn’t really a “drown his sorrows in alcohol” kind of guy, although the thought is truthfully a little tempting right now. However, he knows that he has something even better to take his mind off the disappointing end to the Seahawks season. Jimmy has a way of always knowing what to say or what to do to make things better. Russ doesn’t have to knock or ring the doorbell because he has a key. He unlocks the door and he smiles when he sees Jimmy sitting on his couch wearing nothing but a pair of gray sweat pants that leave very little to the imagination.

“I would ask you where your shirt is, but I don’t really care,” Russell says.

Jimmy grins. “Yeah, I kind of figured that you wouldn’t complain.”

“No, there are definitely no complaints here,” Russ remarks.

Russell sees Jimmy shirtless a lot since they share a locker room, but it doesn’t stop him from drooling every single time. Seeing all that delicious honey colored skin on display just for him has Russ already starting to get hard. He puts his bag down on the ground as he walks over to Jimmy. He doesn’t waste any time climbing into his tight end’s lap. Russell drapes his arms around his shoulders as he brings their faces closer together. He gently brushes his lips against Jimmy’s in a feather light kiss.

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t get you to the postseason this year,” Russ sincerely apologizes.

Jimmy caresses his cheek affectionately. “Are you kidding me? You literally did everything that you possibly could this season. You lead the league in touchdowns and you were our leading rusher. This isn’t on you, Russell.”

“I just really wanted to play in at least one more game with you,” Russ explains.

“I know, me too,” Jimmy agrees.

“I don’t want to think about you leaving,” Russell whispers.

“So don’t. We have all night together, so let’s just make the best of it,” Jimmy suggests.

Russ nods. “Ok.”

“Let’s go to my bedroom,” Jimmy says.

Jimmy knows how much that Russell loves it when he shows off his strength, so he carries him to his bed. He then carefully climbs onto his quarterback’s strong, but still much smaller body. Russ always enjoys feeling the weight of Jimmy on top of him. He rubs his tight end’s perfect pecs as their lips meet in a heated kiss. It’s slow, it’s hot, and Russell feels it all over his body. It still catches him off guard how amazing of a kisser that Jimmy is. And because he doesn’t have to rush back home afterwards, he can actually really savor being with him tonight. Russ thinks it’s fitting that they can truly relish in their last time together.

“You have too many clothes on,” Jimmy whispers against his lips.

“So take them off,” Russell retorts.

Jimmy doesn’t waste any time getting Russ undressed. He practically rips the thin t-shirt right down the middle in his haste to get it off. Russell lifts his hips off the bed to make it easier for Jimmy to get his pants down. He whistles appreciatively at his quarterback’s gorgeous naked body. Russ unties the drawstring on Jimmy’s sweats because he’s desperate to see him, too. He then yanks them down to his knees and Jimmy does the rest. Russell is always super impressed by the fact that his tight end is big and thick _everywhere_. His mouth always waters when he thinks about having Jimmy’s huge cock inside it. Their nude bodies rub together and the friction isn’t nearly enough.

“Do something!” Russ whines.

“I love it when you beg, Russell. Tell me what you want,” Jimmy demands.

“I want to switch positions,” Russ answers.

Jimmy easily rolls over so that Russell is now on top of him. He takes a few moments to just admire the extraordinary man beneath him. Russ bends down to kiss him and he takes his time as if he’s actually trying to kiss every individual freckle on Jimmy’s face. He massages his pecs and then he caresses his abs. Russell is definitely going to miss feeling up Jimmy’s big, hard body. He slides down Jimmy’s body until his mouth is resting on his lower stomach. Russ barely kisses the soft skin there just to be a tease. He doesn’t take control a lot, so he’s going to enjoy it while he can. Russell doesn’t have small hands, yet they look that way when he wraps them around Jimmy’s dick.

“I can’t wait to feel this inside me,” Russ tells him.

“That makes two of us,” Jimmy agrees.

“I want to get a little taste first though,” Russell mentions.

Russ loves the challenge that comes with blowing Jimmy. He has to really pace himself so that he doesn’t choke. And he doesn’t even _think_ about trying to deep-throat him. Russell starts out by just licking him from base to tip. He then sucks on just the head. Jimmy has to force his eyes to stay open because seeing Russ with his mouth full like this is truly a sight to behold. He glances up at him coyly and Jimmy feels guilty for how hot that it makes him. The shame of what they’re doing is always tucked away in the back of their minds. But it never really comes to the forefront of Jimmy’s subconscious until Russell gives him a “I kind of hate myself for loving this so much” expression.

Russ relaxes his jaw so that he can take more of his tight end’s cock into his mouth. Jimmy moans as he idly runs his fingers through Russell’s curls to encourage him. He knows how much that Russ gets off on praise, so Jimmy makes sure to tell him that he’s doing a great job. He’s used to blow jobs always being somewhat quick foreplay due to his size, so he’s a little surprised that Russell is still sucking him off like his life depends on it. Jimmy opens his mouth to remind him to take a breath, but a surprised groan escapes instead. Russ has his thumb pressed against the sensitive area just below Jimmy’s balls and it’s a new, but pleasant sensation for him.

Jimmy gently pushes Russell away. “I’m not trying to finish in your mouth, Russ. But damn, you almost got me there.”

“Sorry,” Russell sheepishly apologizes as he climbs next to Jimmy.

“Only you would legit apologize for something like that,” Jimmy says with a laugh.

Russ just shrugs and chuckles because he knows that it’s true. Jimmy asks him if he’s ready to get prepped and he doesn’t trust himself to speak, so he just nods. Russell has been with a few guys who treated prep as nothing more than just a necessary evil. But Jimmy? He draws it out until Russ is shaking and pleading to be fucked. It’s not ever seen as a chore or as something to rush through to get to the “good part.” It’s extended foreplay that they both genuinely enjoy. Russell knows that he’s really in for a treat since they’re not in a hurry tonight.

He adjusts the pillows behind his head to prop himself up as he watches Jimmy grab the lube and a condom from his nightstand. He’s not quite ready to use the condom yet, so he tosses it aside. Jimmy parts his quarterback’s legs and then he softly kisses each of his muscular thighs. Russ already wants to touch himself, but he doesn’t because Jimmy will only make him stop. He pops the top on the bottle of lubricant and it’s loud in the otherwise quiet room. Jimmy squirts a few drops onto one of his fingers and then he slowly inserts it. Russell’s eyes close and he sighs in contentment at the familiar feeling.

“You good?” Jimmy checks.

“Yeah,” Russ says in between gasps.

Russell quickly asks for another finger and Jimmy obliges. His dick is painfully hard and it’s difficult for him to resist jerking off. But Russ knows the pay off that comes from waiting will be well worth it. Jimmy very lightly brushes his fingertips against Russell’s prostate. Like always, it has the desired effect. Russ’ legs shake and he curses loudly. He wants to be fucked and he wants it _now_. Jimmy tells him to be patient as he slides his third finger inside. Russell would pout at not getting his way if the added thickness of another one of Jimmy’s fingers didn’t feel so incredible. And although he’ll probably never admit it out loud, Russ thinks the transition from prep to penetration is a little easier when Jimmy uses three fingers instead of just two.

“I think you’re ready now,” Jimmy declares.

“Yes, I’m so ready for you!” Russell eagerly agrees.

Jimmy picks up the condom. “Do you want to do the honors?”

“Of course,” Russ replies.

Russell opens the wrapper with his teeth. It’s an XL condom of course and Russ rolls it on expertly. He flips over onto his side because that’s _their_ position. Jimmy gets behind Russell and he caresses him from his neck down to his ass. He tries not to think about how much that he’s going to miss touching Russ’ soft brown skin like this. Jimmy lifts up Russell’s top leg so that he can settle in between them. He very slowly works his cock inside and he checks to make sure that Russ isn’t feeling any pain or discomfort. Jimmy makes his first thrust and they both groan in unison. He rests his hand onto Russell’s thigh as he moves inside him. Jimmy then places a light kiss onto his knee.

Russ is used to his tight end being sensual and affectionate with him, but he knows this time it’s different. It’s their very _last_ time together and they both want to cherish it. Russell’s eyes are closed partially to help him commit everything about Jimmy to memory. He also doesn’t want any tears to fall. While Russ obviously knows that what they’re doing is morally wrong, he has never felt more right. With Jimmy, he doesn’t have to hide anything about himself and it’s the most freeing feeling. He quivers when he feels Jimmy’s lips graze the back of his neck.

“Look at me,” Jimmy whispers.

Russell turns his head and he opens his eyes. The look of complete and utter adoration that Jimmy gives him is too much for Russ to handle. He doesn’t even realize that he’s crying at first until he feels Jimmy kissing the tears away from his cheeks. Russell grabs Jimmy’s face to hold him in place as he desperately seeks out his mouth. The kiss is salty from his tears, but that doesn’t stop Russ from deepening it. He can still taste Jimmy underneath that and it’s intoxicating. This feeling of euphoria and safety is what Russell has been chasing after his entire life. He finally has it and he’s forced to let go of it. He apologizes for biting Jimmy’s tongue after a sharp thrust.

“I’m not ready for this to be over,” Russ admits with a shaky voice.

Jimmy gently strokes his still damp cheek. “I know, Russ. I don’t want this to end either.”

But of course all good things must come to an end. Russell’s moans get swallowed by Jimmy’s mouth as he brings their lips together again. He has never craved anyone the way that he craves Jimmy and he’s not sure if he ever will. Russ sucks on Jimmy’s bottom lip as he picks up the pace. As much as he wants to prolong being with Jimmy, he’s also very much into the idea of getting off. He reaches in between his legs, but he pulls his hand back at the last minute. Russell almost forgets that he has to ask for permission.

“Can I touch myself?” Russ wants to know.

“Nope,” Jimmy tells him.

“But—”

Jimmy cuts him off. “Do you trust me?”

“Of course,” Russell answers.

“So listen to me and I promise that I’ll get you there,” Jimmy reiterates.

Russ nods because Jimmy has never steered him wrong. He really does trust him completely. Jimmy plays on that praise kink again as he tells Russell how good that he is for obeying him. There’s nothing more that he wants right now than to continue being good for his tight end. Jimmy flicks his tongue across Russ’ earlobe before taking it into his mouth. He sucks on it hard as he changes the angle of his thrusts. Russell almost rips the sheets off the bed because he’s gripping them so hard. Jimmy’s fucking right into his prostate and Russ is seeing stars. He varies up his speed and intensity every time that it seems like Russell is close.

“You don’t need your hand to get off, Russ. Not tonight,” Jimmy tells him.

He’s right on the edge of orgasm and all that Russ can focus on is how he’s completely surrounded by Jimmy. He can feel Jimmy’s big hands on his skin, still taste him on his tongue, and hear him whispering directly into his ear. Russell’s used to his tight end being a man of few words. But that changes during sex, especially when they’re both near climax. Jimmy tells him how beautiful and perfect that he is. His comment is so sincere and heartfelt that it actually makes Russ’ heart ache. The pleasure that Russell is feeling mixed with the emotional rollercoaster that he’s on has him feeling dizzy.

“You’re the best I’ve ever had,” Jimmy lets him know.

“You’re my best, too,” Russell agrees.

“I love you so much, Russ,” Jimmy softly says.

Jimmy’s obvious yet still utterly wholehearted confession is all that it takes for him to finally reach his peak. Russell’s toes curl and his entire body trembles as he makes a mess all over his inner thighs and Jimmy’s sheets. Even when he’s done cumming, it somehow still feels like he is. Russ feels a little overstimulated as Jimmy keeps fucking him hard. He’s chasing after his own orgasm now and Russell encourages him. Watching his tight end completely fall apart is one of Russ’ absolute favorite things. He legitimately wishes that he could see Jimmy like this forever. Russell cups his face and he looks up at him with a tender expression in his eyes.

“I love you, too,” Russ says out loud for the first time.

The love that they have for each other is undeniable, but they kind of silently agreed that it should go unsaid. But this is an extenuating circumstance so of course that unofficial truce gets broken. After a few more uneven thrusts, Jimmy spills inside the condom. He usually rolls over immediately so that he doesn’t crush his quarterback, but Russell begs him not to pull out yet. Russ actually tightens his legs, to make sure that Jimmy stays put. They spend a few moments just staring at each other and focusing on the other’s breathing. Both men have to fight back their emotions.

“We should hop in the shower,” Jimmy mentions.

“That would require me to move and I don’t really have the energy for that,” Russell responds.

“I’ll carry you,” Jimmy volunteers.

* * *

They’re both exhausted by the time that they exit the shower and climb into bed. Jimmy pulls Russ into his arms and he sighs in contentment. This is the first and the last time that he’ll ever get to hold his quarterback after sex like this. He kisses Russell on his forehead as he whispers again that he loves him. Russ traces random patterns into Jimmy’s pecs as he rests on his chest. Laying with him like this is definitely something that Russell could get used to. Of course, he knows that he can’t. He has to walk away from the incredible man that’s currently holding him. It’s definitely one of the hardest things that Russ has ever had to do.

“I hope that you go to a good team,” Russell comments earnestly.

“Russ . . . ”

Russell gives him a peck on the lips. “I’m serious, Jimmy. You deserve that. You deserve all the good things.”

“I’m not so sure about all that. But I appreciate you saying it regardless,” Jimmy replies with a yawn.

* * *

Russ wakes up in the middle of the night, still comfortably in Jimmy’s tight embrace. He forces himself to carefully slip out of Jimmy’s sweet, loving hold. Russell knows that if he doesn’t leave _now_ that he will stay for far _too_ long. Long enough to truly ruin the seemingly perfect life that he has. He’s almost tempted to call everyone in the Seahawks front office and practically demand that they re-sign Jimmy regardless of the cost. There’s nothing but trouble that will come out of Russ falling back asleep in his tight end’s bed. The more time that he spends with Jimmy, the harder that it is to convince himself that he really needs to go.

Russell softly kisses him on the cheek. “Even though I have absolutely no right to, I love you Jimmy Graham. In another life, we’d be perfect for each other. But in _this_ life, I’m unfortunately already taken. I have an obligation to my family and I can’t be there for them and continue being with you at the same time. I’ve already hurt them enough, so it’s time to stop. We can’t do this anymore. No matter how much that we want to.”

His eyes are wet and his voice is starting to crack a little bit. Russ has truthfully never felt so awful after doing the right thing before. He changes his clothes and then he makes sure that everything is packed in his overnight bag. Russell leaves Jimmy’s key on his kitchen counter before he walks out of his house; seemingly undetected, for the final time. He gets into his car and he tries to calm himself down because he’s really not in any condition to drive. It feels like his heart is being ripped out of his chest and Russ knows that this heartbreak is completely of his own doing. He’s so lost in his depressed thoughts that he’s startled when he hears a knock on his window. Russell cautiously rolls it down.

“You were really going to leave without saying goodbye? Just try to sneak out like a thief in the night? You weren’t even going to leave a letter or anything?” Jimmy grills him.

“I-I couldn’t. You don’t understand—”

Russ curses himself for sitting in an unlocked car because Jimmy opens the door. He gently grabs Russell by the arm and pulls him out of his car. Jimmy backs him against the door and the slightly angry and betrayed expression that he just had on his face softens. He leans in slowly and Russ knows exactly what’s coming. He also knows that he could easily turn his head or push his tight end away. Russell blames the slightly chilly weather for taking away his rational decision making. Jimmy lifts him up to help with the height difference. Russ feels weak and guilty, but that doesn’t stop him from automatically wrapping his arms and legs around Jimmy’s body.

“You know that I would never ask you to pick me over your family,” Jimmy says as he brushes their lips together.

“God, please don’t,” Russell begs with tears in his eyes.

Russ has never felt like a worse person in his entire life. Because if Jimmy actually said the words and _asked_ , Russell isn’t sure that he would be strong enough to say no. His wife and his children mean the world to him and they make him very happy. But Jimmy makes him happy in a totally different, yet still significant way. Russ feels like he needs _both_ to be whole, but that’s not an option. Their dry lips and the cool air whipping against their faces isn’t exactly a recipe for the world’s greatest kiss. But Russell still melts into it just like he always does because there’s no such thing as a bad kiss with Jimmy.

“I feel like I miss you already,” Jimmy tells him.

“I know,” Russ agrees.

Jimmy squeezes his ass. “I hate to see you leave, but I love to watch you walk away.”

“Shut up!” Russell playfully tells him.

Jimmy brings their foreheads together. “Have a great life, Russ.”

“You too,” Russ earnestly says.

“Who knows, maybe sometime down the line we’ll run into each other again. Maybe when we’re both single,” Jimmy comments.

“Yeah, maybe,” Russell responds.

The reality that he may be single very soon weighs heavily on Russ. He’s going to confess to Ciara and deal with whatever consequences lay ahead. Jimmy gives him one last warm hug. He’s a bit choked up as he whispers “goodbye” before he turns to walk back toward his house. Russell watches the door close and then he takes a deep breath. He gets into his car and he actually starts it up this time. Russ pulls out of the driveway and he thinks about all the times in the past that he tried and failed to end his relationship with Jimmy. He could never figure out if Jimmy’s hold on him was just that strong or if he was just that weak. Russell _still_ isn’t sure if he legitimately knows the answer to that question.

**Author's Note:**

> I’d love to hear your thoughts about this fic in a comment!
> 
> I actually really love Russ and Ciara together, so that made writing this slightly awkward! LOL!
> 
> I’ll probably end up writing these two again (or maybe a threesome with Ciara) because I love their dynamic so much!


End file.
